Becoming an adult has become such a monotonous chore. It seems as though there are never really days off, but when there are days off from school and work and significant others they aren’t days where you are “off” because laundry and grocery shopping and dishes and the litterbox must be done. Lest not forget the seldom Sunday afternoon where you may actually relax on the porch after brunch mimosas, wondering if a cup of coffee will take the edge off of your bubbly buzz. You know, the relaxing Sunday afternoon where you end up not relaxing because in your head you could be working, or getting assignments done two weeks in advance so you arent pressed for time near the due date. I find as I get older that when I have time off, I STRUGGLE to enjoy it, I really do. One minute I am loving life and the next I am panicking about something as minor as a quiz in five days.
Right now I am home awaiting the birth of my godson and nephew. I can’t seem to fully enjoy being home because I worry about money Im losing from the time off. I worry about the trigonometry, calculus, and chemistry assignments due every day. I worry about my cat being fed, and not seeing everyone while I am home.
It’s quite the vicious cycle to be honest.
But I am working on letting my anxiety go, and trying to enjoy things as they come. The highs will not always be highs, and the lows will not always be lows. I also try to remember that now the places I grew up are my home away from my actual apartment home-and I see them differently than I used to. I no longer find the same comforts here that I used to. I find there are only family and several friends I come home in particular for, and even those friends change from time to time.
Possibly the hardest thing about coming home is losing Dave. I lost him once, and if was the most heartbreaking thing I have gone through in this life. When I am at school, it is easier to forget that only his memories remain. When I come home, he isn’t here. He was always part of the foundation of my house back home. Without him, the rest of it doesn’t seem as strong. And Id say its a damn shame and heartbreaking but sometimes the feeling becomes even more than that.
An empty feeling
Like the people in this area walk around empty
It’s odd how events change the way we view things.